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Cass - Fat And Sassy!

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It's a post by email! What is this, 2003? [Oct. 21st, 2016|03:45 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
I've never posted by email before. This should be fun. FUN, I SAY. I hope
the formatting is halfway decent.

It's been about a month since I updated. Falling back into old

- I built my computer! And then fell into a guilt-depression spiral because
it cost a lot of money. I really like it for the most part, though I am
thinking that I cheaped out too much on the processor. I need a little more
beef in order to do video editing and streaming. Though I am drooling over
i7 processors that cost like 450 smackers, I am probably looking more at an
i5 6500 which with taxes included should run me about 300$. Gotta save my

- Work has been okay. I'm slightly on auto-pilot now. I should be pushing
to get interviews in other departments, but that takes... y'know. Effort? I
am not feeling anything involving "effort" lately. My dishes routinely pile
up, I still haven't moved my computer into my office because it will need a
bit of tidying and organizing to set up, etc. Probably compounding this is
that making food is hard, so I am relying on fast food too much. I feel
tired a lot. I should probably make an appointment with my doctor (and for
that matter, book a teeth cleaning and some dental stuff I need to do) but
this requires effort and so the spiral continues. HOORAY.

- Pretty much the only thing I've been able to work on with any amount of
regularity is some speed running of a game called "Refunct." Right now I'm
just barely in the top 20 runners, and that's about 6-7 seconds off the
world record. It's a tight race! It's nice to have a thing to focus on that
feels like it's within my ability to handle and work on and improve at, you
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This is not exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday [Sep. 17th, 2016|08:20 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
Slept in super late and woke up with a mild headache which bloomed into a pretty bad headache over the course of a couple of hours. One of those rare "turn all the lights off" situations. It's receded back into the mild end of the spectrum, but my brain still feels oddly pressurized. It rained for most of the day, which might have something to do with it.

Possibly related, but my stomach hasn't quite felt right all day either. I was hoping that eating some food would help, and it did seem to help with the mild nausea I'd been experiencing, but I still don't feel normal. Bleh. I'm feeling a bit restless and I'd like to play a game or something, but I'm not sure if I'm up for the eye strain. I might try lying down and listening to a podcast or something for a bit to see if that helps with my overall grossness situation.

In nicer news, I finally ordered the parts for my new PC! I got the first one in the mail yesterday (my power supply), and a whole bunch of other bits will come in on Monday. A couple of things are slated for Tuesday/Wednesday, though I'm crossing my fingers that they get there early so I can put it together on Tuesday, which I have off from work.
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Now that's a familiar feeling [Sep. 6th, 2016|02:11 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
I just had a long weekend in which I got nearly zero things done. No cleaning. No planning. Next to no cooking. That I'm patting myself on the back for making two sandwiches to bring to work for lunches is somewhat disheartening.

I'm not sure what the block is, but it makes executive function hard. Even when I get started on a thing, having to make a decision or any ambiguity in "step 2" of a process causes my brain to go into a total flatline. I spin my wheels for a bit, then give up and retreat into the numbly comforting world of dumb YouTube videos and games I've played a thousand times before. Rinse and repeat.

Having a goal helps, but I don't know how to actually take my own goals seriously. Because in the end, what do I know? I'm just some asshole. Who says my goals are any good?
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Well that was nice [Aug. 29th, 2016|12:00 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
Me Day 2 is done, and I didn't get much done around the house after all. But I feel rested and recharged, so I'm confident that I can pick away at those projects in the evenings after work instead of coming home exhausted and drained.

One thing I'm really happy I took the time for is gaming. I played some games that have been lingering in my Steam library for a while now, and I briefly revisited some old favourites. I'm in a think-piecey mood, so here are some thoughts:

New GamesCollapse )

Between the narration elements of The Beginner's Guide and the simple storytelling through RPG Maker of To the Moon, I'm starting to get a good idea of the kind of game I want to start working on.

Old FavesCollapse )

The only other thing of note that I did on Sunday was stew some freshly killed tomatoes from my landlords' garden, because they were super ripe and needed to be preserved right away. They also gave me four HUGE zucchini that I'm going to have to find a use for. I have some ideas, and I can freeze some. Mostly I'm trying not to get stressed out about it - if it goes bad, it goes bad. I didn't ask for your zucchini, maaan! I'm not a part of your system, maaaaan!
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Unabashed Me Weekend, Day 1: COMPLETE [Aug. 28th, 2016|02:23 am]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
Okay, so after what felt like four straight months of madness, I was like THIS WEEKEND IS FOR ME.

Usually I over-plan and then feel guilty for not "getting everything done." So I tried something new this time. No plans. No "to do" lists full of exclamation marks. No beating myself up or overthinking.

Instead, I did this:

1) I asked myself what I felt like doing.
2) I double checked to make sure I actually felt like doing the thing. If I did:
3) I did the thing. (If I didn't, I took a breather, then returned to step 1.)

It doesn't look like much? But it's been good. I gave myself full permission to do nothing if that's what I really felt like. But even though there was lots of relaxing time in my day, I got caught up on dishes (I was woefully behind), got some groceries, and took the time to do some really good self care stuff. I feel both rested and accomplished. And I have another whole day! What is this, a WEEKEND?!
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And that's why I got less than three hours of sleep last night [Aug. 22nd, 2016|10:30 am]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
I'm switching my schedule around this week - I worked Saturday from 1-9pm, and then had to be in Monday morning for 8am. So naturally I didn't get to bed until 3 or so last night. It was cool out and a little stuffy in my apartment so I opened the kitchen window. I had a bunch of glasses and jars and a measuring cup drying on a tea towel on the counter nearby. I moved them all to one side of it to make sure the kitty could get up to the window without knocking any of them over.


At 3:30 - mere seconds after I'd finally gone to sleep - I am jolted awake with an UNGODLY SOUND OF GLASS CRASHING, ALL THE GLASS. I yelled "WOAH WOAH WOAH" like that would help, and turned on the light in time to see a very sheepish cat dash past me and hide up on my dresser.

In hindsight, I should have known her claw might get caught in the towel. Theoretically.

Full tally of broken things:

- Two drinking glasses (my last two!)
- One giant pickle jar
- One two-cup measuring cup

I put on my sandals and swept everything into a little pile out of the way. I'll deal with it when I get home today, and I'll do another pass with the broom and one with the vacuum.

Things I'm thankful for:

- The glasses, etc. were clean and empty and dry, which will make clean-up easier
- My two (expensive!) Video Games Awesome beer steins were not part of the carnage
- I'd already made my lunch for work, so my need to use the kitchen this morning was minimal
- Kitty is fine
- One jar didn't break! :D :D :D
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Visits and childrens! [Aug. 16th, 2016|07:25 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
My friend Kat is visiting from out of town with her partner and their two kids. One of them is almost four (Q), the other is five months old (E). It's been fun! And INTERESTING. I've had them over to my place a couple of times. Kids! In my apartment!

A brief summary of adventures!Collapse )

All of this has been lovely, but after the past few months of moving/hosting/visiting I am starting to feel a little burned out. Though it's also possible that the underlying depression/anxiety stuff (which I'd juuuust started to try and get a grip on before I was galvanized into apartment-related action) is doing the burning. Maybe it's a little bit of both.

Either way, after the coming weekend I should have a little time to myself. I want to finish setting up my apartment: set up my office, put up my pictures/art, and put that last coat of paint on my kitchen cupboards. (And ask to be reimbursed for the paint and paint supplies, which I've been putting off. Who knows why.) I sort of want to do more, but I'm prone to over-plan, so I'll leave it at that.
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I'm falling off the wagon again, you guys [Aug. 9th, 2016|08:23 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
In my defense, it's been busy. Most of the time. *cough*

I'mma go ahead and steal clawfoot's bites format, because a bullet list is the balm that soothes the tl;dr.

  • I went home! It was grand. I got to visit all of my grandparents a bunch, and catch up with friends, and get some SUN. IN THE MARITIMES. WHAT THE WHAT. The weather was perfect - low to mid twenties, sunny, good humidity. I ate a lot of stuff off the barbee, watched a lot of birds on the bird feeder, saw the highest tides in the world roll all the way in, and drank a metric fuckton of beer with my folks. Perfect. (I even managed to sneakily take them out for dinner once. The secret: don't tell them you're paying, then steal the bill at the end and hold on for dear life.)

  • While I was away, my friend Vall was watching my apartment and my kitty. Apparently my apartment was mad about me leaving because it gave Vall no end of trouble. My Netflix kept freezing, my knife broke while she was cutting garlic (?!), and my lamp committed lampicide when she deigned to brush against it with an armload of blankets. Like I told her, the knife sucked and I hated the lamp, so no actual harm done. I feel bad for her, though. Breaking someone else's stuff sucks. On the up side, she left a bunch of stupidly cute drawings around my house of my stuff welcoming me back ("Couch missed you!" "Bed eagerly awaits your return! :D :D :D") which was both touching and funny as hell.

  • Before I went home I bought myself part 2 of my birthday gift to myself (part 1 being a new phone that I swear was only half so I could play Pokémon Go): an El Gato HD capture card! Now my dreams of being a crappy copy of Game Grumps can finally come to fruition. I got it hooked up and did some preliminary recording with my friend Samia which went pretty well. I want to get lav mics for better sound, and my laptop appears to be unable to handle editing video anymore so it'll be a while before I can do anything with the episodes that are worth keeping. But it was nice to get started after a year of putting that particular project off.

  • I'm going to build myself a PC using Logical Increments! I need something that can handle some video editing and light to medium gaming, as well as a bit of streaming. I haven't built a PC since the late nineties so this is bound to be an adventure. I'm pretty sure it's waaaay easier nowadays than it was back then. If necessary I will call in the expertise of cow and/or epi_lj.

  • It's been ages since I've written anything. It's been quite a while since I've even wanted to. But that part, at least, is finally coming back. I need a little goal of some sort to get me going. Putting some black on that first white page is hard.
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Well that was a crazy couple of weeks [Jul. 14th, 2016|10:38 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
Since Canada day, I've been busy.

The stupendous epi_lj picked me up on July 2nd and we went all over the city obtaining things for my new apartment. It was a long, tough, but all together pretty great day.

The next day I puttered around and got the place as put together as I could in preparation for my folks arriving the next day.

My new place wound up being a good fit for three people, which was a huge relief. There wasn't much head-bonking on the weird bulkheads, the kitchen table sat three of us beautifully, and my folks were comfortable in the bed. And I was surprisingly happy sleeping on the couch for nine nights in a row - I wasn't counting down the days until I could sleep in my bed again. I'll be pretty comfortable offering it as a crash space for guests, which is a big feature that I was afraid I'd lose out on when I had to move. (This place will be WAY better for parties, too. I'd really like to host people more often.)

The vacation was a nice balance of sleeping in / having relaxed mornings and getting out and doing a lot of fun stuff. We saw a Jays game and went to Hamilton for a CFL game, we ate amazing food and drank amazing beers, and I got to have an awesome birthday celebration with a huge percentage of my favourite people all talking and laughing together.

I've been a little depressed since my mom and dad left, not in small part because I'm back to work at my talking-heavy job and I have a sore throat. Really looking forward to a low key weekend to recover.
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It is REALLY DONE [Jul. 1st, 2016|03:16 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
I did my last cleaning pass in the old place this morning, after going in for a bit last night. I did a good surface clean, but I suspected he was getting cleaners in, so I didn't go TOO nuts. They can do the deep cleaning. I was happy with how I left the place, and that's what matters.

Handed over the keys and got a quick cab home with my last few straggling things. My timing was perfect - it had rained earlier, and not long after I got in it started pouring.

And then... I TOOK A SHOWER. A long, luxurious, soapy, sudsy shower. Oh man. Oh man you guys. That felt amazing. (I'd planned on going back to the old place and showering while waiting for this one to be ready, but that wound up being too much of a logistical headache. So I spent the week taking sponge baths and using lots of deodorant.)

My throat feels cruddy but I have steadfastly decided NOT TO GET SICK. Nope. No sir.

I am going to go out and grab a food shortly, then spend the evening picking away at some unpacking.

Happy Canada Day!
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