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Cass - Fat And Sassy!

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A year-end (year beginning?) survey that is secretly just about me collecting my thoughts [Jan. 10th, 2017|07:01 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
It's been... a while. I have a lot of thoughts. Too many. My brain
feels full of fuzz. I'm stealing this venerable survey from eeyorerin in hopes that having a logical structure will help
me think through some stuff. This may be boring. No promises.

Here's the thingie.Collapse )

Well. I feel like I got pissier as I went. And speaking of, it's
pissing rain out on the night I finally decided to get out of the
house and go see Rogue One. So. Let's hope nobody asks for a punching!
Because I am IN THE MOOD.
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I did the thing! [Dec. 8th, 2016|08:31 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
Well, the interview anyway. On Tuesday. It went well, I think. It's always a little hard to tell. It was essentially two separate interviews, one with a specialist from the team and one with the team lead. I didn't feel like I flubbed anything and I didn't feel like I hit it out of the park, to my knowledge. So we'll see. I'm not sure when I'll find out, though I'm sure that no matter what it'd be a "starting in the new year" deal, what with Christmas coming up. Really soon. Shockingly soon. Dang.

I don't actually know if they're interviewing anybody else for the position. They might be, or they might just be waiting for the right candidate. The nice thing is that if I don't get it, it's not the end of the world. My job continues and I keep looking and poking my nose around for other opportunities.
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Well that's a thing [Nov. 29th, 2016|06:53 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
I have an interview for that different position at work. Probably later this week, unless the scheduling people drop the ball, in which case it'll be next week.

It's not a sure thing, and I'll be going in with lots of questions and concerns. But I'm finding that even though it's scary, I'm looking forward to it. It's time for a change. Maybe this is it.
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Updates and thingies [Nov. 28th, 2016|07:11 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
I was doing NaNoWriMo this year, but I realized fairly early on that my project didn't interest me enough. Writing in general isn't interesting me much lately. Is anything? I'm having trouble figuring out if my lack of focus is genuine confusion, or self-preservation from potential failures, or a symptom of a separate mental or physical ailment. Or something else entirely.

Work is fine, but it's getting boring, and while I'm doing okay moneywise I'm not making enough to put a real dent in any of my debt. It's frustrating, and overwhelming when I'm in a bad headspace. HOWEVER. My manager sidled up to me in the lunch room the other day to put a bug in my ear about a job opening. It has... some pretty big cons, but also some pros. Might as well put 'em in a list!

- more dealing with customers, particularly ones who are irate enough to want to cancel
- lots more micromanagement when it comes to certain targets and statistics
+ pays better, and if the aforementioned micromanaged targets are met/exceeded, bonuses are a thing
+ no more weekends ever, including holidays
+ no shifts that start before 8am or end after 8pm

Basically I'd be working harder, but with better hours, and making more. Would I hate it? I dunno. I feel like if they train me well and if I'm given the right tools, I could do it. And it's not like I couldn't shift to something else down the line if it wasn't turning out to be my cup of tea.

At any rate, I applied for it, so we'll see what happens. If I get an interview I plan on being incredibly upfront about where I stand. If they don't go for me, then no harm, no foul.
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It's a post by email! What is this, 2003? [Oct. 21st, 2016|03:45 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
I've never posted by email before. This should be fun. FUN, I SAY. I hope
the formatting is halfway decent.

It's been about a month since I updated. Falling back into old

- I built my computer! And then fell into a guilt-depression spiral because
it cost a lot of money. I really like it for the most part, though I am
thinking that I cheaped out too much on the processor. I need a little more
beef in order to do video editing and streaming. Though I am drooling over
i7 processors that cost like 450 smackers, I am probably looking more at an
i5 6500 which with taxes included should run me about 300$. Gotta save my

- Work has been okay. I'm slightly on auto-pilot now. I should be pushing
to get interviews in other departments, but that takes... y'know. Effort? I
am not feeling anything involving "effort" lately. My dishes routinely pile
up, I still haven't moved my computer into my office because it will need a
bit of tidying and organizing to set up, etc. Probably compounding this is
that making food is hard, so I am relying on fast food too much. I feel
tired a lot. I should probably make an appointment with my doctor (and for
that matter, book a teeth cleaning and some dental stuff I need to do) but
this requires effort and so the spiral continues. HOORAY.

- Pretty much the only thing I've been able to work on with any amount of
regularity is some speed running of a game called "Refunct." Right now I'm
just barely in the top 20 runners, and that's about 6-7 seconds off the
world record. It's a tight race! It's nice to have a thing to focus on that
feels like it's within my ability to handle and work on and improve at, you
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This is not exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday [Sep. 17th, 2016|08:20 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
Slept in super late and woke up with a mild headache which bloomed into a pretty bad headache over the course of a couple of hours. One of those rare "turn all the lights off" situations. It's receded back into the mild end of the spectrum, but my brain still feels oddly pressurized. It rained for most of the day, which might have something to do with it.

Possibly related, but my stomach hasn't quite felt right all day either. I was hoping that eating some food would help, and it did seem to help with the mild nausea I'd been experiencing, but I still don't feel normal. Bleh. I'm feeling a bit restless and I'd like to play a game or something, but I'm not sure if I'm up for the eye strain. I might try lying down and listening to a podcast or something for a bit to see if that helps with my overall grossness situation.

In nicer news, I finally ordered the parts for my new PC! I got the first one in the mail yesterday (my power supply), and a whole bunch of other bits will come in on Monday. A couple of things are slated for Tuesday/Wednesday, though I'm crossing my fingers that they get there early so I can put it together on Tuesday, which I have off from work.
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Now that's a familiar feeling [Sep. 6th, 2016|02:11 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
I just had a long weekend in which I got nearly zero things done. No cleaning. No planning. Next to no cooking. That I'm patting myself on the back for making two sandwiches to bring to work for lunches is somewhat disheartening.

I'm not sure what the block is, but it makes executive function hard. Even when I get started on a thing, having to make a decision or any ambiguity in "step 2" of a process causes my brain to go into a total flatline. I spin my wheels for a bit, then give up and retreat into the numbly comforting world of dumb YouTube videos and games I've played a thousand times before. Rinse and repeat.

Having a goal helps, but I don't know how to actually take my own goals seriously. Because in the end, what do I know? I'm just some asshole. Who says my goals are any good?
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Well that was nice [Aug. 29th, 2016|12:00 pm]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
Me Day 2 is done, and I didn't get much done around the house after all. But I feel rested and recharged, so I'm confident that I can pick away at those projects in the evenings after work instead of coming home exhausted and drained.

One thing I'm really happy I took the time for is gaming. I played some games that have been lingering in my Steam library for a while now, and I briefly revisited some old favourites. I'm in a think-piecey mood, so here are some thoughts:

New GamesCollapse )

Between the narration elements of The Beginner's Guide and the simple storytelling through RPG Maker of To the Moon, I'm starting to get a good idea of the kind of game I want to start working on.

Old FavesCollapse )

The only other thing of note that I did on Sunday was stew some freshly killed tomatoes from my landlords' garden, because they were super ripe and needed to be preserved right away. They also gave me four HUGE zucchini that I'm going to have to find a use for. I have some ideas, and I can freeze some. Mostly I'm trying not to get stressed out about it - if it goes bad, it goes bad. I didn't ask for your zucchini, maaan! I'm not a part of your system, maaaaan!
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Unabashed Me Weekend, Day 1: COMPLETE [Aug. 28th, 2016|02:23 am]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
Okay, so after what felt like four straight months of madness, I was like THIS WEEKEND IS FOR ME.

Usually I over-plan and then feel guilty for not "getting everything done." So I tried something new this time. No plans. No "to do" lists full of exclamation marks. No beating myself up or overthinking.

Instead, I did this:

1) I asked myself what I felt like doing.
2) I double checked to make sure I actually felt like doing the thing. If I did:
3) I did the thing. (If I didn't, I took a breather, then returned to step 1.)

It doesn't look like much? But it's been good. I gave myself full permission to do nothing if that's what I really felt like. But even though there was lots of relaxing time in my day, I got caught up on dishes (I was woefully behind), got some groceries, and took the time to do some really good self care stuff. I feel both rested and accomplished. And I have another whole day! What is this, a WEEKEND?!
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And that's why I got less than three hours of sleep last night [Aug. 22nd, 2016|10:30 am]
Cass - Fat And Sassy!
I'm switching my schedule around this week - I worked Saturday from 1-9pm, and then had to be in Monday morning for 8am. So naturally I didn't get to bed until 3 or so last night. It was cool out and a little stuffy in my apartment so I opened the kitchen window. I had a bunch of glasses and jars and a measuring cup drying on a tea towel on the counter nearby. I moved them all to one side of it to make sure the kitty could get up to the window without knocking any of them over.


At 3:30 - mere seconds after I'd finally gone to sleep - I am jolted awake with an UNGODLY SOUND OF GLASS CRASHING, ALL THE GLASS. I yelled "WOAH WOAH WOAH" like that would help, and turned on the light in time to see a very sheepish cat dash past me and hide up on my dresser.

In hindsight, I should have known her claw might get caught in the towel. Theoretically.

Full tally of broken things:

- Two drinking glasses (my last two!)
- One giant pickle jar
- One two-cup measuring cup

I put on my sandals and swept everything into a little pile out of the way. I'll deal with it when I get home today, and I'll do another pass with the broom and one with the vacuum.

Things I'm thankful for:

- The glasses, etc. were clean and empty and dry, which will make clean-up easier
- My two (expensive!) Video Games Awesome beer steins were not part of the carnage
- I'd already made my lunch for work, so my need to use the kitchen this morning was minimal
- Kitty is fine
- One jar didn't break! :D :D :D
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