I do say...

New Year Survey

I keep forgetting that it's not the new year already; I think I've already moved on in my mind. Not that this was a particularly bad year for me, overall. Apart from a recurring health issue over the summer/fall, I felt pretty good about the year. But I'm ready for it to be twenty twenty.

So having said that, here's Collapse )

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight


This year, I want to do the following things:

- Create.
- Cook.
- Move.
- Listen.
- Audition.
- Appreciate my friends.
- Have fun.

This entry was originally posted at https://cassaclyzm.dreamwidth.org/361191.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I do say...

Well THIS is fun...

I've had a stupid recurring health issue this summer that I'd hoped I'd kicked after taking antibiotics for the ENTIRE month of July, but it reared its ugly head again last week and required actual medical intervention. Of the "go to the hospital and make them fix it" kind. And while I've continued to be fully ambulatory and able to mostly put on a guise of being normal, it took a lot out of me.

What's funny is that I didn't even really notice at first how tired and out of it I was, especially when things came to a head Monday-Thursday this week. I hadn't washed a dish in forever. I meal kits in my fridge waiting to be made but I couldn't bring myself to go through the steps of making them. Stupid little messes popped up all over my house. It was a bit like the odd time when I have a depressive mood - my environment starts to be a reflection of what's happening in my head. This time my head and heart were not feeling great either, thanks to the pain, and the uncertainty, and the worry. I very keenly missed my grandmother this week. She'd have known what to do, or who to talk to if she didn't. She always made things better.

Yesterday, after getting a couple of hearty doses of antibiotics and getting this thing on track to actually heal, I just found myself... tidying. Seeing mess and actually doing something about it. Little bits at a time, because I still get tired easily. I cleaned my sink so I could wash my hair in it and get something resembling a bath.

Today I worked a full shift for the first time since Tuesday (though I did it in three chunks of a couple hours each - I don't think I could have handled seven hours straight). I went and got my dressing changed. I did all of my remaining dishes, even the cast iron pan that needed some scrubbing. I cooked a meal kit and put away the leftovers for tomorrow. I thoroughly washed and picked through some produce that my landlord gave me from his garden.

It feels REAL NICE to be functional again.

This entry was originally posted at https://cassaclyzm.dreamwidth.org/360726.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I do say...

How to tell you're a boring adult, part 4,539

Tonight, I had a choice between pizza and pea soup.

I chose pea soup.

(I would have had to cook a pizza in the oven and then store half of it away for later, and I had a salad that I was going to eat with it for some ruffage. Pea soup was fast and tasty and I got to eat a delicious dinner roll with it.)

I'm still fighting the tail end of last week's flu, which made grocery shopping tonight a real slog. I only got a dozen things, but I'd forgotten something in produce and remembered when I got to the freezer section, which is A MILE AWAY, and looking back across the store I just... sighed. And then had a coughing fit on the street car on my way home. I need to remember to keep taking it easy.

Pizza tomorrow night, and I'm making a chicken soup to have later in the week. I don't even have to cut up vegetables for it. I do need to make some sandwiches tonight before I go to bed. Which should be shortly.

I may be boring, but being able to do things again (in fits and starts) is pretty nice.

This entry was originally posted at https://cassaclyzm.dreamwidth.org/360209.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Sydney Harbour

Adventures in home entertainment

I got what I think was the flu last weekend. It was a typical illness for me except that it was backward. Usually I get sneezy, then coughy. This time it was the opposite, and it also included a fever of 38 degrees that lasted three whole days (one day it was closer to 39!) I lost the whole weekend and had to take two days off work, plus work a third from home (by Tuesday my fever was gone but I was in the throes of SNEEZEDOM.)

Today I finally got myself to work, albeit with a late start. My co-workers and my boss seemed happy to see me (once I confirmed that I was over the yucky, easily transmittable disease stuff). It was so nice to get out of the house. I didn't leave my house for SIX DAYS! The farthest I went was to the garbage bins in my driveway, and that was just on Wednesday evening.

I experimented with grocery delivery for the first time in the mist of Flu Week, and it was a big help to me. Most stuff is exactly what I picked or would have substituted, and I got a call asking about alternatives for a couple things. Unfortunately instead of ice cream I wound up with "93% fat free frozen yogurt," which tastes fine except that to make up for the lack of fat it's filled with MOAR SUGAR and it's so sweet I can barely handle it. I don't think I'm a convert - I really like picking stuff out myself - but I sure do love living in the future where I can pay 20$ to have actual groceries brought to my sad, sick face.

Speaking of having cool things delivered, I had cat litter delivered the other week. It basically cost me an extra 10 bucks, which is what I'd pay for a cab from the grocery store anyway, and it had the bonus of I DIDN'T HAVE TO CARRY A THING OF CAT LITTER, LIKE, AT ALL. So this is one I will DEFINITELY be doing again.

This entry was originally posted at https://cassaclyzm.dreamwidth.org/360004.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Evil Hat


I completely forgot about my writing prompt book the past few nights. I'd been pretty good about getting a little prompt written every evening for the first week, but the excitement with the new bed must have thrown me off. I think I'll take a little time to catch up over the next couple of days, rather than try and blast through them in one sitting. I might need to set myself a little reminder on my phone, too - something that has the # day of the year. (I'm counting entries up to 365, which will get harder to track after January.)

The forecast today called for warmth and rain in the morning, freezing rain at noon, and bitter cold in the evening, so I worked from home. It's so very nice to have that as an option. I don't want to make TOO much of a habit of it, but wow. Having that dread about getting myself home just... go away? IS NICE.

Also I figured out how to patch the work phone system into my cell phone, so I could make and receive calls. It worked remarkably well. I'm surprised that I'm actually... wanting to be able to call people?? This is something I couldn't imagine while I was in the drudgery of customer service. It makes a huge difference that I'm the one in power - I need information from them, and I call them because I want it, when I want it. I'm not at their beck and call anymore. Clearly I AM DRUNK WITH POWER!

This entry was originally posted at https://cassaclyzm.dreamwidth.org/359695.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Mardi Gras!


Today a couple of nice fellas came and took away the caved-in piece of garbage I've been sleeping on, and replaced it with a bouncy new foam mattress (with a pillow top for extra COMF). This evolution in my sleep quality has been brought to you (read: me) by my completely amazing parents. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (I made them promise not to get me anything this year. This is already too much.)

I went shopping for it literally the day after I got home after Christmas, because my bed was actually that bad. The weirdest thing was that I didn't even notice it was starting to go until September. I was away from home for four nights, and when I came back my bed had a dent in it. Clearly it had been there before. Clearly I had become BLIND TO THE TRUTH. And it got worse fast. I started feeling individual springs. (Part of the reason why I'm trying a foam mattress this time. Fingers crossed!)

In order to facilitate this delivery, I worked from home today for the first time. (Well, for the first time while doing my actual new job.) The first couple of hours were rough; going from two monitors to one tiny laptop screen gave me an actual headache. But then I engaged my COOL NEW FREE totally not stolen from work MONITOR (they're renovating and had marked a bunch of them to be thrown out. Yoink!) and the day got soooo much better. I wouldn't want to do it every day. Sleeping in is nice, having access to my couch and fridge and kitty is nice, but I like getting out and doing a little exercise and socializing with my work people.

Besides, in February I'm going to start working Saturdays regularly from home. That'll be an interesting change. (I'm hoping I'll be able to mold my hours around D&D games. Will have to see how that shakes out.)

This entry was originally posted at https://cassaclyzm.dreamwidth.org/359539.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Goofy grin

Two posts in two days? Madness!

I think I might make resolutions this year? Mostly because I feel like it. A few things are bubbling to mind. I'll decide by the end of the week if I want to articulate them into specific goals, but I might just go for a mild shift in attitude instead.

One thing I'm definitely doing is writing a little every day. A friend back home gave me a book with 500 writing prompts and space to write. Usually just little reflective questions - the one I did yesterday was "What makes you nervous? What do you do to calm yourself down?" They have different lengths, some 1/3 of a page, some 1/2, some a full page. Nothing overly daunting. Instead of going through from start to finish, I'm going to open to a random page every day and pick one that I like. This will get trickier as the year goes on, but I think I'd rather do that then plow through the front 2/3 of the book and have a bunch of empty stuff at the back come year end.

The long weekend was a nice chance to do some meal prep for the week. I went through my freezer and fridge and came up with some meals that used up things that were languishing in there - a few wrinkly potatoes, some black frozen bananas, portions of soup and chili and rolls to go with them. I think I'll clean the fridge out this coming weekend once it's well and truly empty (aside from condiments and, like, onions.) I need to clean my oven, too. We'll see if I get up the gumption.

This entry was originally posted at https://cassaclyzm.dreamwidth.org/359330.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I do say...

A New Year's Survey

I did this last year, when I was in a pretty horrible frame of mind. I hadn't been able to go home for Christmas because of work (in fact, I didn't even get three days off in a row over the entire Holiday season... and through to Easter, if I remember it correctly.) Considering it was a job I was utterly DONE with, this didn't improve my outlook at all. 2016 had also been a year with a lot of physical challenges, with my knees going "haha NOPE" to any real attempt at physical activity. I felt stagnant and frustrated.

2017 was a year of finding stasis. I didn't do anything wild, but I found a little bit of the "sense of purpose" that I was struggling for at the beginning of the year. Things aren't perfect, but I'm comfortable. I feel like I have a solid platform. And if I want to jump from it, I'm on solid footing.

Collapse )

This entry was originally posted at https://cassaclyzm.dreamwidth.org/359026.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Tip o' the hat!

Is this what it's like to... be motivated to do things?

I don't know exactly why, but over the last couple of weeks I've started actually being able to go "I should do X thing" and... do it? This shouldn't be surprising, but here we are. I finally set up the new monitor I got (cue SICK-ASS DUAL MONITORS), did a whole bunch of little household tidying and chores that I'd been putting off forever, and sucked it up and bought a decent budget vacuum cleaner. And I vacuumed tonight, for the first time in... too long. I didn't go nuts - just got the really high traffic and visible areas in my living room and office - but oh god. When I emptied the canister it was like, half a pound of dirt. I am not exaggerating.

I also DMed D&D 5e for the first time! A few weeks ago I decided to buy the Curse of Strahd module so I could see how a module is set up (I've watched a group of players go through it, so it's neat to see what was in the published module and what was altered on the fly or as they progressed to fit the direction of their campaign.) I happened to be talking to a couple friends from back home on Skype later that day who were lamenting not being able to roleplay lately. So I offered to DM Curse of Strahd for them, and in the weeks since we made characters and I have whisked them into Barovia for what I'm sure will be a graaaand old time. It's kind of the perfect month for that module, now that I think about it. I learned a lot from my first session as a DM, but I think I'll go into that in another post soon.

A possible side effect of this "I can function and do things!" bent is that I seem to be having trouble getting to sleep at a reasonable hour. Going to try reeeeal hard to rectify that tonight. Like, shortly.

This entry was originally posted at https://cassaclyzm.dreamwidth.org/358492.html. Please comment there using OpenID.